


i'm pretty glad

by myeyesarenotblue



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: :(, Angst, Episode: s02e09 743, Gen, Missing Scene, idk how to tag this i'm too shook, no beta we die like ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:00:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25643935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myeyesarenotblue/pseuds/myeyesarenotblue
Summary: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2“He’s gone,” Vanya says, and this time it’s a whisper, a confession, a sin that begs for absolution. “He went in with me, and he- hetalkedto me, but my powers-”“No,” Klaus breathes, stepping away.
Comments: 27
Kudos: 325





	i'm pretty glad

**Author's Note:**

> this is literally just klaus finding out ben went bye bye :(

Klaus wakes up groggy and disoriented, in a pile of limbs, and for a too long second, he’s got no idea where he is. But then it kinda downs on him. 

FBI building thing. 

Vanya. 

The end of the world. 

The _second_ end of the world, because that’s just what their lives are like. 

“Are you okay?” 

Klaus looks up, and it’s _Vanya_ , not dead or murderous or worse. “Physically or emotionally?” 

Which- 

The answer to both of those questions is definitely _no_ , but- 

But Vanya smiles, and then Allison’s smiling too, and Klaus finally breathes out, because if Vanya’s okay, then they’re all okay. No doomsday. 

Then Diego mutters something about Kennedy and takes off. Allison runs after him. 

And- “Well,” Klaus says, running a hand over his forehead. Was his headache that bad before getting knocked out? Probably not. “It’s just you and me, Vanny.” 

Vanya smiles, nods, tight and uncomfortable. “Yeah.” 

He cracks his neck, scrambles to stand up and only wobbles twice. 

There’s a faint murmur of hushed voices a couple halls over, so Allison and Diego are probably bickering somewhere over there. Should we save the president? Should we _not_ save the president? 

It’s all the same to him, really. 

What does it matter if the president lives or dies? 

“It _is_ kinda fucked up that Dad’s the one who killed JFK, though,” he mumbles, stretching his arms over his head. 

He gets no answer. 

He turns to Vanya. “Right, V?” 

Vanya- 

Vanya stares at him, her eyes big and wide and wet. 

“Uh,” Klaus starts. “Everything okay?” 

“I-” Vanya says, and she’s- tilting her head down, hiding her face away, a curtain of hair covering her every expression. “I- I just- _Klaus._ ” 

“What?” 

She still doesn’t look up. 

Then she’s twisting her hands, intertwining her fingers again and again, and Klaus feels a pang of- something, _something_ , because that’s a nervous tic of hers that he’d see all day, every day when they were children, her hands locked up, tugging at her skirt. 

And it’s- 

“You weren’t doing that, before,” Klaus says, with a pointed look. “At the salon.” 

Vanya lets her arms fall at her sides, quick as lighting. “Sorry,” she says, and she _definitely_ wasn’t apologizing for random crap she shouldn’t be apologizing for. 

“Do you-” Klaus starts, awkwardly, squinting at her. 

“I remember,” Vanya blurts. 

“Oh, that’s-” 

“But that’s not-” 

They both sort of- 

Shut up. Look at one another. 

Then Vanya’s- breathing in shakily, brokenly, almost sobbing. “Oh, god,” she says, “Klaus-” 

“Shit,” Klaus mutters, but he steps forward. “Hey!” he says, reaching but not quite touching. “Hey! I know, I know, thirty years of traumatic memories-” and he trails off, winces. “I, too, would wanna get amnesia and forget half my life ever happened, but-” 

“No, _Klaus_ ,” Vanya repeats, interrupting. 

She looks up at him. 

There’s something in her eyes Klaus doesn’t like. 

“What?” he says, because he’s got to know. 

A moment goes by. 

Then two. 

Then three. 

And then Vanya, out of all things- “Ben.” she says, her voice cracking. 

Klaus blinks, and blinks, and blinks. “What about him?” 

“I- he, uh,” Vanya starts, slowly, brokenly. 

Klaus looks around, searching for him, searching for answer. But he- 

He can’t find him. 

He looks left, and right, and left again, and he’s just not there, and it makes no sense because Ben’s always there, _always_ , through the good times and the bad times and even if they’re fighting, even if he somehow was mad enough to disappear on him, he wouldn’t leave the rest of their siblings like this, wouldn’t leave Vanya like this, and it just _makes no sense_ \- 

“Klaus,” Vanya’s saying, voice tight, eyes sad. She grabs his arm, holds him still, stops him from spinning around in circles looking for Ben. “Listen to me. _Klaus._ ” 

And so Klaus does. 

He looks at her, and he waits for an answer. 

Vanya sighs heavily, bites her lip and looks down for a brief second. “He’s- he’s gone, Klaus.” 

“What?” 

“He’s gone. I was in- god, I don’t know, in my head or something, with my powers.” Vanya starts, pained. “I couldn’t get out. And Ben-” her voice cracks. “Ben, he-” 

“What are you saying, Vanya?” Klaus asks, his eyes fixed on hers. 

“He’s gone,” Vanya says, and this time it’s a whisper, a confession, a sin that begs for absolution. “He went in with me, and he- he _talked_ to me, but my powers-” 

“No,” Klaus breathes, stepping away. 

“He’s gone, Klaus. I’m sorry.” 

Klaus- 

He shakes his head side to side, takes another step away, and another, and another, wondering if maybe, _maybe_ , if he walks far away enough, he can pretend Vanya isn’t saying what she’s saying, pretend- 

_Pretend._

He forces himself to laugh, and it comes out oddly wet, hoarse. “You see ghosts now? ‘Cause that’s kinda my thing, if you hadn’t noticed.” 

“No, I _don’t_ see ghosts, I just-” 

“Just what?” Klaus shrieks. “I- what are you even _saying_ ? Ben’s- Ben’s _dead_ , your powers can’t hurt him, Vanya. It’s not like you can kill the guy.” 

Vanya sighs, exasperated. “I’m not saying that, I’m just-” 

“Then what are you saying?” 

They look at each other. 

Vanya’s eyes look, so, _so_ sad. 

“He’s gone, Klaus,” she says, with a certainty that’s hard to refute. “My powers did something to him. He just- he faded away, crossed over to the other side, or whatever.” 

And Klaus- 

He laughs, and laughs, and laughs, and he can’t stop laughing, something hysterical and broken, something born out a feeling he desperately tries not to feel. “He finally followed the light, huh?” he barks out, bitter, bitter, bitter, “Bet he’s happy now.” 

“I’m so sorry, Klaus.” Vanya mumbles. 

And he remembers moments, all throughout their lifetimes starting from the moment he looked at his brother’s coffin and decided, plain and simple, he was not going to live in a world that didn’t have him in it, moments in which Ben would ask him hushed whispers, would _beg_ him to explain how the afterlife worked, what was out there, what was out there for _him_ \- 

Klaus always told him not to worry about that. 

Told him the beyond was not worth it. 

Truth is he hadn’t, and still hasn’t, the slightest clue what’s out there, after. 

“Are you okay?” Vanya asks, concerned and earnest. 

And, well, Klaus hasn’t been okay since sometime around the year two-thousand, but- 

“Yeah,” he says, “Yeah, I’m just-” 

He breathes in. 

He breathes out. 

Sometimes he thinks Ben’s more his brother than anyone else out of the bunch. He’s his family. And they all are, but- 

But Ben’s his friend, too. 

And Klaus talks to people, tells himself he’s got friends, thousands of friends, but he doesn’t. He’s always surrounded by people but never by the right people, never by someone who _knows_ him, who knows where he comes from, who sees through him and knows when to shut him up. 

Ben’s- 

Ben’s his friend. 

Ben’s everything he’s got. 

He breathes out something shaky, not quite laughing, not quite crying. 

There’s a click of heels and suddenly Allison’s there. 

She looks at them, and hesitates, tilts her head. “Everything okay?” 

“Yeah!” Klaus says, turning to face her. His voice comes out oddly chirpy, exaggerated. He’s smiling, he thinks, or maybe grimacing. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t things be okay? We stopped doomsday, yay!” 

Allison- 

Turns to Vanya, a question in her eyes. 

“Ben’s gone, Allison,” Vanya says, softly, stupidly softly. 

“Oh,” Allison breathes. Then, “Shit.” 

But what does she know? 

What does she _know_? 

For her, for them all, Ben’s been gone for years, gone since that stupid day when they were children and didn’t manage to keep one of their own alive, just- 

_Gone._

For him, though- 

Klaus has spent the past sixteen years next to his brother. Hasn’t spent much time apart from him since the day they were born. 

He’s- 

Ben’s never been _gone_ , before. 

Allison reaches for him and squeezes his shoulder, sympathy in her eyes. 

She doesn’t say anything. 

That’s good, he thinks. 

He wonders, detachedly, if _this_ is how regular people, people who aren’t him, feel when their brothers and their sisters die, when they’re _gone_ , suddenly gone, a moment here and the next _gone_. The thought is- 

Nauseating. 

Overwhelming. 

He shuts his eyes, opens them back up. “C’mon,” he tells his sisters, “Let’s just- let's go tell the others we stopped doomsday, yeah?” 

Allison twists her mouth. “Diego’s trying to stop the assassination from happening.” 

Klaus sighs. “So let’s go see what he does.” 

And he starts walking. 

After a few seconds, Allison and Vanya walk, too. 

Vanya walks by his side, lets her arm brush against his. “Klaus, are you sure you’re okay?” 

“Sure,” Klaus says, and his voice doesn’t even waver. “Sure. I-” he sighs, and he summons up a real smile, as close to real as he can manage it. “Ben deserves to move on. I’ll be fine.”

**Author's Note:**

> guys, dudes, babes.... I'm..... I'm never gonna recover from this.... i'm not done processing... 
> 
> follow me on tumblr @myeyesarenotblue


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